What Is the Connection Between Self-Esteem and Communication?

Transactional analysis is an important theory of self-analysis in communication analysis. It is mainly used to distinguish between different and clearly distinguishable self states.

Communication analysis theory

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Transactional analysis is an important theory of self-analysis in communication analysis. It is mainly used to distinguish between different and clearly distinguishable self states.

Chinese name

Communication analysis theory

Foreign name

Transactional analysis

Overview

Communication analysis theory

Self-state

Eric Berne

Eric Berne defines it as: "A system of thinking and feelings that is consistent with a set of behavioral patterns. Therefore, the child's self is a set of behaviors and thoughts from his childhood. And feelings; the adult self is aimed at the current combination of actual autonomous behaviors, thoughts, and feelings; the parental self is an engraving, and the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that individuals inject from important people around them (according to their own cognition). In the application of communication analysis, we will simply say "in the child's self-state", "in the parent's self-state" and "in the adult self-state." Putting these three self-states together is the theory of communication analysis. The core --- a personality model composed of three parts of self-state. Traditionally, it is drawn as three connected circles, each named after the capital of its first letter, so it is also called the PAC model.

Byrne's view of human nature mainly includes three aspects: the innate positive view of human nature, the effectiveness of acquired learning counseling, and the human reason.

First, a positive view of human nature

Byrne has a positive view of human nature. He believed that at the beginning of man, nature was good, and he believed that children were born with noble conduct.

It is only because of improper parenting or poor environment that the child's nature has changed from noble to low, which is what Berne said "from prince, princess to frog".

Second, the effectiveness of psychological counseling

Byrne believes that although the quality of children can change the nature of children due to improper parenting styles or poor environment, through acquired learning, especially combining learning with applied communication analysis, to integrate communication analysis into life. , You will be able to restore the child's natural dignity. Before the children enter school, they have formed the basic prototype of the life script, and will also develop the self-concept of being a person who can or cannot do it, and also have a judgment on whether others are a person who does or cannot ability.

Third, human reason

From Bourne's point of view, living a life is very simple, but people will invent psychological games. Some people always want to subvert themselves by past events and religion. Such people often complain that life is so complicated. In fact, it is their own persistence and stubbornness that makes life harder.

Byrne believes that life is a series of decisions and issues to be resolved. Byrne is convinced that people have reason and freedom to make decisions and solve personal problems.

Based on the theory of human nature and the theory of interpersonal relationships described in communication analysis, Byrne derived his basic counseling theory.

This is the collection and analysis of five types of data, that is, the pursuit of structural analysis, communication analysis, script analysis, living status and comfort.

I. Structural analysis

(I) Overview of the Independent Self State of Personality

In communication analysis, personality is divided into three independent self-states of PAC personality. The so-called PAC refers to "parent" (P), "adult" (Ault) and "child" (C).

Communication analysis psychologists start with the structural analysis of personality when explaining TA's view of human nature and the difficulties people may encounter in life. Divide each person's personality into three separate and distinct ego states, and point out that this is the source of the different behaviors. These ego states are the personality states that the individual currently exists or once existed, and each self state has its own connotation of thought and behavior. Therefore, the differences and conflicts between the three may be the cause of internal disharmony and inconsistency, or may be a factor that creates personal flexibility.

The three ego states of PAC proposed by Bern are not like the so-called self, ego, and superego in Freud's theory, because these three ego states are based on various real phenomena in real life. The three self-states of PAC are based on the emotions and experiences of early years, and drive and influence the spoken patterns and musculoskeletal presentation of three different styles of behavior and feeling. The definitions of the self-states of these three personalities are described below.

(B) the definition of independent self-state of personality

1. Parental (P) Personality

Personality's "parent" self-state includes the guidance, attitude and behavior held by parents and authority figures. This self-state reflects the memory of personal warnings, orders, punishments, and encouragements of parents as a child. Parents will show two different attitudes according to different situations:

(1) "Nurturing parent". This mainly covers acts of parenting or assistance;

(2) The "critical parent" provides behaviors and information such as comments, control, and punishment.

The "self" status of the "parent" will prompt the individual to behave in the past as a caregiver, including parenting and criticism. At the same time, the "self" status of the "parent" guides the child to form his unique values, gender awareness and behavioral decisions.

2. Adult (A) Personality

Personality's "adult" self-state provides objective information about reality tests and "computer" orientations, and operates in a highly logical, non-emotional manner. The "adult" self-state is as precise as a computer's decision-making process, and it is precise and emotional. The "adult" self-state is based on reality and informs individuals with a mature, objective, logical and rational thinking attitude: "This is the reason for success." This state of self has nothing to do with age, and even a child can use this state to gather facts and master computer-like objectivity to deal with reality.

3. Child (C) Personality

Byrne found that the self-state of the "child" (C) personality, such as childlike impulses, is something that everyone has. "Children" self-state is a very important part of personality, because it promotes people's happiness, creativity, spontaneity, intuition, joy and enjoyment. The self-state of the "child" personality has two parts:

(1) "adaptive child" is the result of obedience to authority figures, and "passive" is its characteristic;

(2) "natural or free child" (natural or free child), manifested as the child's impulsive, untrained, self-loving and happy part.

Children accumulate the impulse of natural arrival, and also record the internal reactions or important events they have seen and heard from an early age. Immatureness is one of the factors, but deep feelings, emotions, adaptations, expressions and fun are often expressed by children's self-state. Figure 5-1 shows the self-states of parents, adults, and children in a chart.

(Three) the balance of three different ego states

Communication analysis psychologists believe that a well-adapted person will allow himself to decide to present different ego states according to different situations, and can maintain the balance of the three. The problem often seen in ordinary people is that a person allows one of his ego states to become a strong master. For example, "stubborn parents" seem dictatorial and biased, "stubborn adults" are boring analysts, and "stubborn children" are more characterized by immaturity and overreaction. There is no necessary relative relationship between age and these three self-states. A young child will also have the self-states of "adult" and "parent" personality.

Communication analysis

(I) Definition of Communication

Communication analysis is the core part of the coaching theory proposed by Bern. Byrne's analysis in this section states that at any time, when one person confirms the presence of another, whether spoken or body language, communication has occurred. Communication is often defined as a unit of people's dialogue, or a stimulus-response connection between two individuals' ego states.

(II) Types of communication analysis

There are three main types of communication analysis:

1. Complementary communication

According to Bonn, this type of communication is a "natural order of healthy interpersonal relationships"

I state response, which is a state of self at the same level in response to stimuli. (See Figure 5-2).

The following dialogue reflects the characteristics of complementary communication:

Mingming: Zhouzhou, do you see my car?

Zhou Zhou: Yes, in the toy pile on the right.

2. Crossed transactions

This type of communication is a disruptive dialogue that occurs in one's self-state response, but it is a self-state that responds to two other non-stimulating sources (see Figure 5-3).

The following dialogue reflects the characteristics of cross-communication:

Mingming: Zhouzhou, can you help me find my car?

Zhouzhou: Didn't you see that I was playing?

3 Covert ulterior

That is, everyone puts more than one ego in communication, basically, it can be said to be dishonest. On the surface, the two are talking in the two previous communication styles, but the actual information to be conveyed is not explained (see Figure 5-4).

There are two types of ambiguous communication. One is the migration type, and the other is the implicit type.

(1) Migratory type is a type that transmits information in a social and external cross-type communication type.

Mingming: Zhouzhou, why don't you help me find my car? Once found, we can play together.

Zhou Zhou: Well, the car is really fun.

(2) The implicit two individuals convey the ambiguous information with a psychological hidden level.

Mingming: Zhouzhou, I hope you will play car with me.

Zhou Zhou: I hope you find me more times than other children.

Third, script analysis

Definition of script analysis

The so-called script analysis refers to the analysis of the content of the psychological drama performed by an individual based on his or her life script. Byrne only developed the perspective of life scripting in communication analysis in 1961.

Second, the definition of life script

A life script is a life that arranges the self-state of children selected by an individual from an early age, and most of the information is received by the parents when they are in the "child" self-state.

The life script indicates the way in which a person lives and what he seeks. A person, whether conscious or subconscious, will follow the script and almost compulsively stipulate the manner and meaning of his performance.

As mentioned earlier, basically, people are born with good self-esteem, but if they get a bad life script at an early age, they will cause personal distress.

Third, understand the way of life script

The best way to understand and understand your personal life script is to check the time and communication style of the individual with others. Life scripts have their main topics, such as: success, failure, suffering, delay, distraction, soothing, and calculation.

Types of life script

Life scripts can be divided into three types: winners, losers and non-loser non-winners. A small group of people seem to be born winners, and everything they come across will get better. Conversely, there are some who seem to be born losers, and everything they encounter will go in the bad direction. And most people (approximately 80% to 85%) are non-win-win scripts. One sentence often said by non-losing non-winners is: "But at least ..." (eg, "I went to school and my success was poor, but at least I was not fired from the school.")

Communication analysis borrows a lot of allegorical stories to illustrate its terms and analogies. For example, the "Cinderella" script is not a very healthy and beneficial plan, because your prince (or you want a prize) will not come out of nowhere, especially for a girl who is waiting for the rabbit. Since many life scripts are formed in their infancy, it means that the life scripts need to be carefully explained with children's stories.

Fifth, the composition of life script

Byrne believes that the script of life has five components:

Guidance from parents;

Contents of scripted personality development;

(1) Making decisions about yourself and life from an early age;

(2) is a failed or successful script;

(3) is a pattern of behavior.

Fourth, living status

The so-called "life positions" refer to the comprehensive feelings of self-worth and value of others formed by children based on communication and script. There are four common living statuses (described by Harris, 1969), which are described below (with Figure 5-5):

First, "I can't-you can" type (in the second quadrant, -5, 5 is the extreme position)

This is the most common life status felt by children. This type presents the inner perceived position of the individual's conscious inability. Adults in this position often feel resigned and depressed. .

Second, "I can't-you can't" type (in the third quadrant, -5, -5 is the extreme position)

Children who feel this type of life status not only feel inferior, but also feel unable to depend on their parents. Adults in this position are "losers" in the eyes of children. The reason for this feeling of life status is mainly because children and adults have experienced a series of helpless and disappointing experiences.

Third, "I can do it-you can't" type (in the fourth quadrant, 5, -5 is the extreme position)

Children who feel this type of life status often feel that Baiji is sacrificed and deceived. No matter what happens, it is said to be the fault of others. Most of these are combative children, criminals and mental patients.

Fourth, "Okay-Youka" type (in the first quadrant, 5, 5 is the extreme position)

Children who experience this type of life status are mentally healthy. Children and adults who feel this status of living have "realistic expectations", good interpersonal relationships, and constructive problem-solving abilities, which means "winner" status.

The pursuit of comfort

Byrne believes that the pursuit of comfort is a kind of behavior for people to achieve the purpose of being recognized and recognized.

When people confirm and understand the existence of another person, they give each other a "solace".

(A) the direction of comfort

This "solace" can be positive or negative. The presentation of "comfort" is usually obvious and easy to understand, but is hidden in ambiguous communication.

1. Positive soothing

The positive solace that children receive is often symbolic comfort in dialogue and communication with others.

Positive symbolic comforts such as hugs, praises, handshake, open expressions of love such as "I like you", or listening without interruption. This positive symbolic solace is welcomed by the audience.

2. Negative soothing

Negative comforts for children, such as lack of attention, punches and kicks, and passing offensive messages such as "You are not a good child", "Mom hates you" and more A small amount of insulting, mocking comfort will make people feel that they are not important.

The mode of personal giving and receiving comfort mostly depends on their "life status". How people treat themselves and others, they control their ability to give and receive positive and negative comfort.

People engage in "communication" activities in exchange for comfort. According to Bonn (1964), the "stimulation" through human interaction and comfort is the goal that human beings are eager to obtain, and any action that expresses meaning to others is some means and methods to satisfy these aspirations. When these needs cannot be met, the richness of children's lives will not be achieved (James & Jongeward, 1971), and even the children will have the feeling of being abandoned and the status of their "I can't live" status. Satisfying the craving feeling will germinate the state of "we do-you do", and can release creative energy.

(II) Methods of Positive "Soothing"

Positive "solace" is often achieved through complementary communication. Emotions and appreciation can be expressed through words, or praise and positive feedback can be given. These feedbacks can be physical, such as physical touch, or they can be gestures or vision that are clearly understandable. Active listening is one of the best comforts one can give to another (James & Jongeward, 1971).

(3) The significance of positive soothing

Positive soothing can promote children's feelings of living status of doing what you can do. And this feeling is most conducive to the development of children's mental health.

(D) the structure of the pursuit of comfort

There are six forms of people's pursuit of comfort:

1. Shrinking: No communication occurs, there is little risk, and no comfort exists.

2. Ritualization: Social communication, such as greetings and greetings, is rather personal communication.

3. Entertainment: It can provide mutual acceptance and comfort, which is a way of self-expression. Usually there are more superficial communication or conversations, such as football, cars, shopping are the safer conversation topics.

4. Activity: To structure the process with work or professional activities is a way to deal with external reality problems.

5. Gamification: The satisfaction of needs is obtained in an indirect and tortuous way. This method can receive intensive soothing, but it is likely to be unpleasant. Games are seen as non-constructive negative communication.

6. Intimacy: provide unconditional comfort, no games or exploitation.

One of the purposes of communication analysis coaching is to help people learn a good and productive way to structure their communication style.

In communication analysis, the entire coaching process is regarded as a teaching process. Because the communication analysis method has a complete set of theoretical systems and specialized terms, it is also unique in the actual coaching process.

First, the main purpose of coaching

To put it simply, the main counseling goal of communication analysis is to help the interviewer achieve the status of "my line-your line". The mentor can use different methods and techniques to make the interviewer achieve this goal. Because children can easily learn and understand TA's ideas and terminology, communication analysis is often used when helping children.

The life status of "Okay-You" is an option for children. The other three living statuses are either over-inflating themselves or suppressing them too much, leaving children with no free choice in their living status. Harris (1969) once said that the first three kinds of living status are based on feelings, and the living status of "Walk-You Walk" is inspired by thoughts, beliefs, and actions. We do not jump into another new life position suddenly, but step by step through the choices we make. Looking at the coordinate axis of Figure 5-5, we can record the trajectory of a person moving from one quadrant to another quadrant, and can define the operational significance of each movement step by the relative position of the X and y axes. The X-axis represents the gain and loss of self-esteem, and the y-axis represents the degree of change in relationships with others.

The role of the mentor

First, the role of the environment

In communication analysis, the role of a mentor is a teaching and supportive, caring environment. In this environment, the visitor feels that he is free to drop or weaken the restrictions that restrict him, try new behaviors, rewrite the script of new life, and move forward to the status of "my doing-your doing".

Second, children's teacher roles

Ideally, the facilitator of communication analysis plays the role of a teacher. When the child learns how to use the language of communication analysis, the counselor will further guide him to analyze his communication style and understand how his behavior interacts with others.

Third, the parental role of children

The mentor also plays the role of mentoring the parents of the child. Because many children with problem behaviors grow up in "I can't" life status. Children's self-formation in the family is deeply influenced by their parents. If the mother often treats her child with her "children" self-inability, then she sends a "I can't-you can't" message to her child. For children to develop a strong "adult" self-state, they must deal with all kinds of complicated things by observing how their parents use their "adult" self-state.

Coaching Principles

In communication analysis, the mentor follows the principles of communication analysis and asks the interviewer to use these principles to analyze and improve their behavior. Communication analysis can be taught to people of all ages (from old to young) and people of different ability groups (from mentally handicapped to gifted).

In communication analysis, the most commonly used principles for coaching children include the following:

First, define and explain self-state.

Second, communication analysis between self-states.

Third, positive or negative soothing (such as "warm fluff" and "cold spines").

Fourth, you can do it.

Fifth, life script.

Through these principles, the child learns to understand the reasons, master the resources after the understanding, and re-enter the situation of choice; in other words, the child can learn how to use his "adult" self-state to deal with the difference between the adult and child self-state Conflict.

The principles of communication analysis can effectively teach children through various methods and tools such as posters, pictures, and humorous role-playing. In a series of books published by communication analysis theorists, many application examples are provided. Children can learn how to change from a "frog" to a "prince". They can also learn how to give and receive "warm fluff" (positive soothing) and avoid giving.

Fourth, the specific method

(1) Teaching steps

For any child, effective teaching of communication analysis involves three steps.

1. Interpretation principles; use stories, pictures, toys, or other suitable methods.

2. Test the theory of communication analysis that your child understands (correct it if you find a misunderstanding).

3. Ask your child to cite examples from their own experience that echo the theory of communication analysis (such as "What positive consolation do you get today?"), Or determine what the examples you said mean to them? (Eg "What ego is required of you to go to bed earlier?").

(Two) soothing methods

Children in conflict with others can be taught some new soothing concepts. First, they must analyze each other's behavior. What positive or negative comfort did the parents, teachers, and friends give the child? What comfort does the other party give? Teach your child to learn new soothing methods from the following categories:

1. Self-Soothing-Do something good for yourself.

2. Physical soothing-hugs, shake hands, pull hooks (must distinguish between good and bad touches).

3 Silent comfort-nod, smile, wave, wink.

4 Oral comfort-"I like you", "well done", "thank you", etc.

5. Reward or PrivilegeLet your parents go out with you, play with them, and do something for you.

Children (5-17 years) may not be able to understand the symbolic meaning of soothing and self-state as older children. In addition, the use and understanding of terminology will be relatively reduced. But for young children, you can understand directly, such as giving them "warm fluff" to make them feel comfortable; you can also use hard plastic toys with thorns to let children understand "cold thorns". Let them experience the feeling that others have said or done something unpleasant to him. When the child feels uncomfortable because of manipulating the negative soothing, he can ask for the right of positive soothing. Similarly, young children may understand that I have synonyms for "state of mind", "happy part", "dominant part", etc.

Once children understand the meaning and existence of self-state, they can begin to understand and distinguish between complementary, intersecting, and ambiguous communication patterns. If the child comes up with a situation about any type of communication, it can encourage the child to dialogue the situation. In cross or ambiguous communication, encourage children to use the "adult" self-state to find more effective communication methods.

(C) other methods,

1. Cooperate with self state

Talking about negative emotions and behaviors in conjunction with children's self-states will prompt them to distinguish between themselves and others. On this basis, it is easy for children to understand the theory of self-state and the experience explained by children.

2. The subject of combining life script

To help children clarify and describe their personal life script when dealing with the subject of life script, you can quote the question of lifestyle inquiry from Adler school:

(1) What is the "wound" in your family? (G)

(2) Who is in your family? (BP)

(3) What does your family look like? (BP)

(4) Who else has lived with you? (BP)

(5) What do they look like? (BP)

(6) Who has the highest status at home? (PI, P)

(7) What do your parents like to say? (PI, CI)

(8) Describe yourself in three sentences (BP, D)

(9) What words would your family use to describe you? (PI, CI, BP)

(10) What is the most unpleasant feeling you have? (R)

(11) What is the most pleasant feeling you have? (BP)

(12) Who does mom like best? (PI, CI)

(13) Who does Dad like best? (PI, CI)

By coding the above questions, we can find the prototype of the child's life script.

BP (basic life position)-I consider myself as the basic life position of others.

PI (parental injunction) (information from the parent's C status), such as: parental commands, such as: do not do something I do

CI (counter injunction) (information from the parent's P status), such as: anti-command, such as "at least try"

G (game) ("Game" soothes others for the price)

R (racket, negative feelings)

D (decision) (decision, such as: how do I choose my lifestyle)

P (program) (plan 'e.g. how to follow orders)

3. Comprehensive autobiographical text, looking for children's life script

Many people have the habit of writing a diary or weekly diary to record fragments of life and write down their most inner world, feelings, thoughts and events. Children respond well to homework to keep a diary. The diary provides a mentor and child's record of relevant feelings, thoughts, and life scripts for exploration. Keeping a diary or weekly diary can also provide a connection and closeness between the child and the mentor outside of the interview.

4. Guide specific behaviors of children according to the actual situation

When the mentor cannot protect the child from negative treatment, do not disturb or hinder the child's scripting behaviors that still work in his family. Don't rush to ask your child to give up his original game before learning the proper way to get comfort. Do nt decide for your child what he should do. Do nt encourage your child to act as a facilitator of communication and analysis, especially for people who have more power than them, because the other person may not like it and have stronger Negative behavior.

The above methods can also be used for group or family counselling, as well as individual counselling.

Role-playing and acting mental games are one of the effective group techniques. Family counselling in communication analysis can encourage family members to understand the intersections or ambiguities of the communication patterns between each other, understand that life scripts are being written, and understand the comforting behaviors that can change the feelings of family members.

Communication analysis provides many people with the improvement of interpersonal relationships and communication skills from individual coaching and different group coaching. However, in communication analysis, there are still many unclear definitions and poorly integrated theory and technology. In fact, many authors find it difficult to classify communication analysis as a highly philosophical coaching method. Therefore, various perspectives, standards and guidelines for communication analysis should be developed to ensure the status and professional standards of communication analysis. ^[1]