What Is Emotional Competence?

Emotional ability refers to the normal reaction of human beings to anger and sorrow. The moderate natural expression of emotions is of great significance to the mental health of children. Parental demand, control, pressure, disrespect, and disregard can cause harm to the child's young mind. Let children do things or games that they like to do. This kind of free activity is good for children to release accumulated negative emotions.

Emotional ability

When a boy was crying in the elevator, his mother reprimanded him fiercely: "Okay, don't cry, endlessly you!" The child muttered and mumbled and justified, as if there was still a lot of grievances, but obviously yielded Because of her mother's strength, she did not dare to speak out.

As parents, we all love our children, hoping that the children are lively, easy to learn, sensible, and obedient. When children are depressed, crying, losing their temper, and not going to school, we often feel helpless and our emotions become bad. We can only take the authority of parents and adopt a "high-pressure policy" to treat children simply and rudely. .

Unlike adults, children's feelings cannot be hidden, whether they are happy or sad, they will be displayed to the fullest. But many mothers don't give their children a chance to let go of their true feelings. When the child is happy, he will say, "What's crazy? Be quiet." The child is sad, and then says, "Crying, crying, what is there to cry." Deterred by the power, the child was obedient on the surface, but his emotions were suppressed. And even planted the seeds of rebellion in my heart.

When the child is crying, when the child is afraid, when the child is angry, when the child is angry, what should we do? What can I do to help my child?

First of all, we must know that children's "abnormal" performance plays a special role in the child's growth process. When handled properly, it will help the child to form a healthy personality and healthy psychology. Crying can heal wounds, and because you give your child the opportunity to rule out the feeling of injury, he will become stronger and more confident later. Behind every "abnormal" performance of children, there is a legitimate reason. They are venting negative emotions caused by mental or physical trauma, and they are calling on adult's attention. Therefore, when the child has "abnormal" performance, we should stay with him, by listening, give the child the best attention and provide the support he needs, so that he is full of confidence and hope again at the end of the process .

Listening to the child does not mean that you recognize his emotions, nor does it mean that you condone him, you are just helping him get rid of bad emotions. Your listening can gradually weaken the control of the child by bad emotions. Once the entire listening process is completed, the child's good judgment will be restored.

Listening to a child's crying is extremely beneficial to the growth of the child. It is not complicated in itself, but it is not easy to practice. It requires adults to have full patience and understand the child.

Some surveys say that more and more children suffer from depression. These children are upset, they do not reasonably express their emotions to others, and they rarely ask for help when they are in trouble. They are used to suppressing themselves and not letting others know. Over time, problems can't be solved and bad emotions can't be vented, which makes them prone to mental illness.

When we were young, fighting with children for toys, most of the time, if our mother was around, we were stopped and educated and said, "To be polite, we should be courteous to each other." Then, no matter how unhappy we are, the toy in our hands is still being used Sent to the other hand. This is a common scene, including some mothers who often educate their children in this way.

In fact, a child is a child, especially a child under six years old, who does not yet understand the meaning of courtesy. The education of Taoism is very empty for him. What he saw was that the mother was not on his side, and she did not have the right to fight for it, and the child's self-esteem and self-confidence might be hit. If a child is educated for a long time to be such a "humorous" little adult, and dare not frankly fight for what he wants, when he grows up, he may not know how to safeguard his reasonable rights and interests.

Therefore, as the child grows up, the mother must properly identify with the child's negative emotions, and patiently guide the child to vent reasonably, without too much reprimand, blame, and education, so that the child has the opportunity to handle his own emotions alone. Children only feel about things they have experienced, learn to deal with unhappiness in unhappiness, control and adjust their moods in anger, learn to inspire themselves in depression, leave free time and space for children, do not rush to participate Handle your child's emotions. Mothers should not intervene when they see that the child is unhappy, angry, and frustrated. As long as the child's vent doesn't hurt himself and others, or damage things, cry, make him cry; anger, make him angry; worry, let him worry ... let him have a free space and time for himself, in Learn to manage and vent emotions during the experience. Of course, this does not completely make the child's emotions out of control and reasonable venting. It also includes letting the child learn to moderately control and regulate emotions in the experience.

When a child has bad emotions, do not ask the child as an adult. Allow the child to express his true emotions openly and freely. Do not force the child to self-suppress, let alone use physical punishment or disguised disguise to make the child "suffer. . Psychologists have found that many children's compulsive, aggressive, and destructive behavior are often related to the lack of timely and reasonable venting of their internal nervousness.

A girl lost her pet and wept so much that she couldn't even go to school the next day. The mother didn't force her and said to her daughter, "I won't go today if I feel sad." She knew that the child would be sad when she thought of her dog in school, and could not cry in the face of classmates and teachers. During the day at home, the mother gave her daughter time and space to face the pain alone, so that the child s sadness was released, and tears were sometimes a good emotional cure.

I once saw a three-year-old crying because a teddy bear fell into the water. The mother helped her to pick up the bear and said loudly, "What are you crying, can it be dried?" Actually, she didn't understand. In the young child's heart, she felt that the bear might have been drowned!

Therefore, mothers should try to understand respect for the children's emotional needs, understand the children's feelings, and be willing to learn from the children to understand the nature of emotions, because children are more open to experience strong emotions than adults.

I remember when we were young, when we were scared or worried, adults generally said, "It's okay, be brave, see our baby is a brave child." The young life is encouraged by the mother to overcome the inner tension and fear. , Doing "brave child" praised by adults.

For many years, we have been educated like this, not acknowledging that we will be timid, lonely, and nervous, and there are more complex and even unspeakable feelings.

In a psychological growth class, the teacher asked a question: "If life can be reversed, when you were scared, worried or nervous when you were young, what would you like the adults around you to do?" Most people thought for a while and said firmly "I hope my parents would pick me up at that time, pat my back gently, and say 'don't be afraid, mom and dad are here'."

Let us calmly accept the natural manifestation of children's various emotions, allow these emotions to exist and resolve it, rather than suppress it. When he is sad, make him cry; when he is angry, guide him to find a reasonable venting channel. Of course, this is different from crying as a means to achieve certain needs of the child, the latter is disciplined.

Women are more likely to be emotional. Especially mothers should not bring negative emotions to children. We often hear some mothers say to their children, "We work so hard for you, we want you to study hard and live a comfortable life, so you can work so tired." And there are mothers and children walking together Suddenly shouted at the child, "Aren't you hurrying?" The child groaned, wondering why the mother suddenly became angry. This is the "emotional garbage" that the mother gives the child. The child has no choice but to receive it in full, because he does not have the ability to handle the "junk". This mother may have accepted the "emotional trash" from her mother as a child. When a "bomb" is planted, one thing, one person or one environment may detonate.

Therefore, we need to remind ourselves to pay attention to whether there is often the phenomenon of denial and depression in our family life. In reflection, help our children get normal relaxation in emotional development, rather than excessive depression and harm.

In many families, mothers often make emotions or complain about physical discomfort, and children will be worried, afraid or guilty. He doesn't know what the mother's emotions will be next. At this time, the child has no time to take care of his feelings at all, and his spirit is on alert, which may lay the "emotional bomb".

I often heard my mother say to her child, "You can't be angry, you will lose your breath." The boy was taught that "men do not cry easily." The children were having a good time, but the mother said, "Oh, I'm sick of it, you're still happily here." The little girl's hamster died and cried very sadly. The mother said, "Don't cry, isn't it just a mouse?" The child's happiness cannot last, and sadness cannot be released. In order to meet the mother's requirements, the child closed his true feelings. , These unacceptable anger and sorrow will turn into "underground activities".

A 16-year-old girl told her mother that she likes a boy, and mother can have two attitudes. One is to listen carefully and then make appropriate suggestions. Talking like a friend is an acceptance of her adolescent normal emotions. The second is that her mother utterly yells: "Students at school want to have an early love? Study hard and don't allow any thoughts." May suppress the child's normal emotional needs. In this way, not only can't get good guidance, but it will lead the child to rebel. The adolescent child's life field has expanded, and more confident parents need to provide healthy emotional support to help him further explore his life.

Several psychologists at Yale University in the United States coined a term called "emotional ability." It is a much better skill than knowledge and skills. It is used to measure a person's intelligence and even predict future success or failure. In the United States, the development of "emotional competence" is introduced into the curriculum of elementary and middle schools. A "Knowledge of Emotions" course at a school in New York City helps children learn to control their anger, frustration and loneliness. After the class began, the number of student fights decreased significantly. In the absence of such courses in our educational institutions, we parents, especially mothers, must consciously cultivate and train children's ability to understand emotions.

Wei Yu, academician of the Chinese Academy of Engineering and vice chairman of the Chinese Association of Science and Technology, used five points to summarize the specific meaning of "emotional ability":

Evaluate your ability correctly. Be aware of and understand your feelings correctly.

The ability to control one's emotions. Be able to properly analyze the causes of your emotions and find ways to deal with your emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger and sadness.

Ability to motivate yourself. It can overcome complacency and hesitation, mobilize one's emotions to achieve a certain purpose, and maintain this motivation for a longer period of time.

Ability to understand the emotions of others. Be sensitive to the emotions and interests of others, understand the opinions of others, and appreciate the different perceptions and feelings of different people. .

Ability to handle interpersonal relationships.

And she believes that upbringing before the age of two has the biggest impact on emotional development. Moms most taboo about children's education ignore children. Rarely accompanying the child, treating the child rudely, yelling at the child crying, etc. are all abuses against the child. Children who have been severely abused in their childhood show more antisocial behavior in adulthood than children who have not or rarely. This abuse also includes parental moodiness, compulsory parenting, and punitive parenting as they grow up.

Our child may have a good grade, may be admitted to Peking University, Tsinghua University, or an international famous school, but if his "emotional ability" is not good, will the happy and peaceful life still be related to him?

Thinking of the shooting incident that shocked the whole country on November 1, 1991: Lu Gang, a 28-year-old young doctor and a senior student in the Department of Physics at Peking University, shot his doctoral supervisor at the University of Iowa because he hated his classmate Dr. Linhua Lin. , The head of the department, Shan Linhua and six others, and one was seriously injured and then committed suicide by raising a gun. Lu Gang, who can think intelligently about the universe's sky, has become a low-intelligence "crazy" in real life, killing so many teachers and students and his own life, causing a tragedy that can never be made up. It is said that Lu Gang himself is usually a very emotionally aggressive person, with a strong jealousy and tense interpersonal relationship. In the end, he chose this crazy way of venting emotions when emotional depression was difficult to resolve.

After the incident, many education experts and psychologists searched for Lu Gang's family education and growth background, and found that he had accumulated a lot of negative emotions during the growth process. These emotions were deposited in the depths of his mind, like explosives. Mars can explode by accident.

From normal to abnormal to abnormal, it is a long-term emotional accumulation process, which eventually changes from quantitative to qualitative, but the final consequences are in one thought. Some people may say that a person's temper is irritable and easy-going, not the result of education. Yes, there is a difference between people's physiques and personalities, but if children have less negative emotions in their growth, childhood "emotional mines" are intelligently ruled out of their mother's love and patience, there will be very few May be detonated. Just like a pistol has no bullets, no matter how you pull it, it will not cause injuries. Are you right?

We cry because we lose something beautiful, we rejoice because we are satisfied, we are frustrated because we are not satisfied, and we are angry because we are humiliated ... These colorful emotions fill our lives with spirituality and vitality.

Facing the existence of emotions, they are the feelings we have and the dynamic energy of our lives. Let them be in a normal channel to promote the positive development of our lives. Our children will have their own healthy emotional "memory" because they have a mother who knows their emotions deeply. (Source: Health 863 Network Community)

One's emotional characteristics can be said to be a comprehensive reflection of mental health. This test not only measures your main emotional color, but also assesses your ability to handle your emotions. Emotional color refers to the main emotions that a person often experiences. Some people have a positive mood, some have a negative mood, some have more complex emotions. The ability to manage emotions is at the core of emotional intelligence. Being able to manage your emotions properly is a sign of a high level of mental health. Not being able to control your own emotions can lead to various life problems. A person's emotional characteristics are affected by many innate and physiological factors, and the ability to manage one's emotions can be cultivated the day after tomorrow. Affected by physical and other factors, some people are prone to fluctuating and negative emotions, which makes emotional regulation more difficult, but at the same time, they need to train their ability to manage emotions.

Negative and positive. Our lives are inseparable from emotions. It is our normal psychological response to the outside world. All we have to do is not to let ourselves be slaves to emotions, and to not let those negative moods control our lives. Emotions can also permeate people's thinking processes and influence decision-making. Excessive emotional reactions also have adverse consequences for personal work, physical and mental. Therefore, knowing how to regulate and control emotions is also an important part of emotional intelligence.