What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?

Marital therapy (Maritalrherapy), also known as couple therapy, refers to the treatment of a couple on their marital relationship and marriage issues as the main focus.

Marriage therapy

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Marital therapy (Maritalrherapy), also known as couple therapy, refers to the treatment of a couple on their marital relationship and marriage issues as the main focus.

Chinese name

Marriage therapy

Foreign name

Maritalrherapy

Also known as

Couple therapy

Start with

Early 19th century

To perform

Generally speaking, the analysis of the relationship between husband and wife should consider the following four aspects:

1. Emotions between husband and wife. Mental health couples are good at praising and thanking each other appropriately, and letting each other know their preferences from time to time; at the same time try to avoid unnecessary behaviors that will hurt feelings; always pay attention to cultivate mutual emotions. Conversely, some couples are accustomed to ridicule, blame, and express disgust; at the same time, they are not good at letting their spouses know their preferences, and it is difficult to cultivate and maintain each other's feelings, resulting in emotional difficulties for the couple. 2. Relationship between husband and wife. The relationship established by a husband and wife is a special kind of interpersonal relationship. It is essentially a private, permanent, progressive, contractual relationship. In terms of husband-wife relationship, on the one hand, the husband and wife must establish a strong husband-wife alliance to establish an intimate husband-wife relationship, and at the same time, care must be taken to keep the husband and wife with proper personal boundaries and personal boundaries. Husband and wife can be one, and at the same time can play their own interests, is the psychological requirement of modern couples.

3 The roles of husband and wife. Due to different social and cultural environments, each environment holds different views and expectations on the relationship between husband and wife and the role of husband and wife. In modern society, couples tend to have equal status and relationship with each other. It should be noted, however, that equality between husbands and wives refers to equality in concepts and emphasizes that husbands and wives must respect each other's needs and rights, not that husband and wife must be the same in every respect. Generally speaking, a mature and mature husband-wife relationship is relatively clear about the conditions under which each other will play a role, and can adapt, adjust and change flexibly according to the needs of the situation; this can achieve the effect of adapting to life. On the other hand, couples with unsound or immature mentality are either not clear about their roles, or they are unable to cooperate with each other, or are stubborn and incompatible, resulting in conflicts in the behavior of the couple and unable to adapt to life.

4 Communication between husband and wife. Husbands and wives live together. To establish a close marital relationship, the need to communicate with each other means that information is exchanged through words and expressions so that both parties can understand each other's opinions, feelings and intentions, so that they can live together intimately. From the general experience, the most common communication problem between husband and wife is that it is often assumed that the other party will. I know and appreciate it without having to explain or explain. In fact, it often leads the other party to guess, know a little, and cause misunderstanding. Another problem is that it is about the couple, as long as the emotional code e is present, there is no need to verbally indicate that communication is possible No matter, another problem is that the husband and wife cannot maintain honest and reliable communication, and naturally they have emotional conflicts.

5. Sexual relationship between husband and wife. In addition to interpersonal relationships, husbands and wives also have intimate physical relationships, that is, maintenance relationships and lives. Generally speaking, a couple's sexual life is often a manifestation of a couple's emotional problems. As long as the relationship and emotion of the couple has improved, their sexual relationship has also improved. Therefore, unless there is a sexual physical disorder, it is good to focus on the relationship and emotions of the couple. On the other hand, if a couple can enjoy their sexual relationship properly, it can also promote and increase their relationship with each other; so how can a couple maintain a proper environment and atmosphere, cultivate a proper interest in sex, and Being able to enjoy sex properly is one of the life arts of modern couples.

Marriage issues are all-encompassing, and their origins and nature are intricate. They are mainly chosen as follows:

Motivation for marriage

Some couples are not married because they love each other, but for some unusual subconscious motivation, because this psychological motivation is to solve or deal with their own internal psychological problems, rather than to marry for marriage, often with The pathological nature makes it impossible to maintain a normal marriage and can easily lead to rupture. For example, some people have just fallen in love and are very empty or discouraged. Under the reaction, they blindly and arrogantly find someone to marry instead; as a result, it is only after a while that the replacement of hasty marriage is not ideal. contradiction. Some people feel compassion for a friend of the opposite sex and want to "save" or "reform" the other person, and marry the other person in the role of "saver"; shortly after marriage, it is not that they find it difficult to "save" the other person. Disappointment means that the other party is getting better and can no longer satisfy their psychological desire without their "help". There are also people who are married for economic reasons, for immigration abroad, or to leave their unfavorable families, etc. Such unemotional marriages, whose psychological motivation is not sound, can also induce various marriages. problem.

Marital Therapy

From a personal point of view, husbands and wives each have their own personalities. Such different personalities can often make up for each other and make the differences in personality between husbands and wives complement each other. However, if the personalities of the two people are quite different, it is often the cause of the uncoordinated marriage relationship. The most common husbands and wives' personality disharmony is that the husband is very cautious and takes things seriously, often takes business as the first priority, pays less attention to emotional life, and has a more rigid lifestyle, while his wife is rich in affection, loves change, is more social, and is accustomed to Amusement, as a result, the two are incompatible, disharmonious, and dissatisfied with each other. The other is that the personalities of the husband and wife are very similar, that is, they have strong personalities, do not admit defeat, like to think about, compete, and do not show weakness. As a result, the two always quarrel; or the two are passive, and each other They all need to trust others and not be able to exercise their autonomy. As a result, marriage conflicts can be induced.

Expectations of roles in marriage therapy

What husbands should do and control; while wives, what should be handled and responsible are the products of social and cultural habits. When everyone grew up from their original family, they unknowingly formed their views on the roles of husband and wife. If the husband and wife are from different social, cultural and family backgrounds, it is likely to bring very different roles for husband and wife, and it is easy to have dissatisfaction with their spouse. For example, a wife became very upset shortly after marriage and cried, saying that her husband never helped her with housework, no matter how busy she was. She said that at home, her father often went to the kitchen to help his mother cook. The husband feels inexplicable. In his family, the father never goes to the kitchen, and the husband is very unhappy that his wife controls the economic power of the family, because his family controls the economic power of the father. For husbands and wives, there is a fixed expectation that they will not be able to accept or establish their own new role as husband and wife, and it will be unpleasant.

Marriage therapy parent involvement

Sometimes, the marriage conflict comes directly from the interference and influence of the parents' own family. For example, the parents do not support or even oppose the marriage of the children, or the parents are too concerned and over-intervened, which causes the children to lose the autonomy of their intended marriage life. Another example is that the relationship between parents and children is too deep. Children emotionally care about their parents' reactions and try to "filial piety" to meet the hopes of their parents. As a result, the spouse feels wronged and dissatisfied, which leads to disharmony between the couple. Sometimes, when the parents of the two parties are in a conflict situation, the younger couple is not happy with that one, and makes the other one unhappy, and the other one takes care of the other, this family is displeased, making the young couple as if between the two parents. Jump over the rocker and lose balance if you are not careful.

Marriage therapy lacks the art of living

Some couples, for various reasons, focus their energy on work, parenting, or other things, and have no intention of maintaining their own married life. They believe that as long as they are married, the marriage relationship will be maintained for a lifetime, no need to worry about care. As everyone knows, the husband and wife's emotional life is like flowers and plants, which need to be cultivated and maintained from time to time, otherwise they will gradually wither. Some couples lack communication, and the two rarely talk to each other and exchange opinions. As a result, they do nt know each other s thoughts, plans, opinions, or emotions; they only become companions who live and sleep together; they do nt know how to cultivate common interests and hobbies. Without a common goal in life, an empty husband-and-wife relationship is created, and it leads to dissatisfaction with marriage.

The occurrence of extramarital relationships

Whether the extra-marital relationship is caused by poor marriage quality or the influence of extra-marital relationship on the quality of marriage, if one of the spouses is in the place of marriage and has an emotional or sexual relationship with a third party, this is undoubtedly An extremely serious matter. There are various reasons for the out-of-marital relationship: either because of the "siege of the siege", fantasies about other opposite sexes; or like the new and hate the old, the pursuit of new stimuli and changes; "Those who take advantage of the situation" need to be carefully analyzed and carefully guided. In short, the success of a marriage often depends on many conditions. The disagreement between husband and wife is not caused by one or two reasons: Many factors are often accumulated together, which makes the marriage relationship difficult. Ordinary couples can rely on their mutual feelings and confidence in marriage to maintain their smooth husband and wife life, but sometimes marital problems are difficult, which requires marriage treatment.

How to avoid the breakdown of husband-wife relationship without the eventual divorce? We believe that a successful marital relationship, or partnership, requires knowledge and skills to make it lasting and stable.

Our study surveyed thousands of couples from around the world, and the results showed that the factors that contributed to a successful marriage were divided into two groups. One group of factors such as attractiveness, caring, romance, and sex, etc., started to bring people together. Another group of factors includes skills for managing relationships, such as control, dedication, communication, conflict resolution, and sharing of responsibilities.

Running a successful marriage relationship requires a range of skills. Like other techniques, the skills of managing a marriage relationship may need to be updated to adapt to changing circumstances and situations.